5 Stages We Go Through Before Truly Forgiving Someone

Forgiveness – quite a word, isn’t it? Sounds really simple but holds an entire universe of emotions, pain, struggle and bravery behind it. Undoubtedly, it is one of the most difficult things to give to someone – including yourself.

We’ve all been in that position where we are headed towards forgiveness and feel a multitude of things before reaching the incredibly relieving end. Here are some of the stages one goes through before being able to truly forgiving someone:

EXTREME ANGER AND RESENTMENT

Paramount Pictures

Paramount Pictures

A dramatic, highly-reactive and emotionally-eruptive time; you feel like breaking things, hurting people or yourself, avenging, yelling, screaming, arguing, being passive aggressive, indulging in silent treatment, breaking ties and more. You end up blaming others or even yourself and feel several extreme emotions at once. Freshly hurt, both your mind and heart try their best to cope with the trauma.

PRAYING FOR KARMA TO DO ITS JOB

AFV

AFV – ABC Network

In this phase, you’ll find yourself spending endless hours, days, weeks or even years hoping and praying that karma takes care of the situation and provides you with justice. You wish to witness the destruction of the lives of those who’ve wronged you and daydream of elaborate scenarios were they get what they deserve. Although such mental toxicity offers no relief, but it still helps us honestly process our feelings.

LESS ANGER WITH HIGH VULNERABILITY

20cf

20th Century Fox

A very delicate and vulnerable time, you’ll notice that your anger has simmered down but some things may trigger it instantly. This is the time when you have to decide whether to vent about your situation or not talk about it at all. If you face a trigger, say a song or an item, all the negative memories that you have been trying to forget come rushing back. You’ll also often find yourself crying and missing the time before things took a wrong turn.

NO ANGER WITH MORE CLARITY

breaking bad

AMC Netwrk/Netflix

This is that blissful window of time wherein one finds something to hold on to – hope. Bouts of emotional bawling seem a thing of the past, triggers don’t work on you anymore, you can analysis everything better and don’t desire vengeance in any form. The mind seems calmer than ever and anger dissipates. With a brand new perspective, understanding your situation becomes easier and you finally start realizing what actually went wrong instead of blaming anyone, even yourself.

FORGIVENESS AND LETTING GO

disney

Disney

With better understanding comes amazing clarity. Roles of everyone involved become clear in your mind, you begin to acknowledge their struggles and prefer pitying them instead of feeling bitter. There remains no desire to prove anyone anything. You begin seeing everything in new light from a third person perspective making your heart feel lighter and mind become clearer. You feel an intense urge to move forward in life. THIS is when you are truly able to forgive, forget and let go.

Going through all of these phases prepares you to do what’s right by you as well as the other person. So, don’t worry too much if your feelings overwhelm you. Take it all in and let yourself feel every emotion that comes naturally to you. It’ll all be fine.

Photo by Josh Boot on Unsplash

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